Anandagiri …….. says
For a relationship to improve, you must be free of hurt, and you must be free of guilt. Either you have been deeply hurt yourself, or you have hurt someone and you feel bad about it. If you are hurt, the best way to become free of it is to experience the pain completely. And if you have caused pain to someone else, you did so because you could not feel. You did not know what it was to feel that psychological or physical pain. Everything changes when you feel what that person is going through, when you can become that person.
………. Karmically the relationship is only complete when you feel love and gratitude ……… When you feel gratitude, you are free – you can move on …….. The only way to come to gratitude is to feel the hurt completely so you can forgive and be forgiven. Then the relationship is set right, and you are unburdened. Your whole life changes.
Years ago, Albert Einstein reflected that you cannot solve any problem in the same state of consciousness in which it was created.